Tsunami She Wrote

For the willing, this will be a lengthy read, and for the new arrivals, this is par for the course. I clearly do not have the ability to pare down words whatsoever. It is just in the pattern of my fabric. I am a tsunami of words. Arriving at these keys because I have no other choice but to swim in my own momentum, the sway and conjuring, the demanding water and the humble beggar at the bottom, my words will rise and fall at my own feet whether they are read and processed by anyone else or not. I have to release myself. I keep so much inside, moreover, I often forget that I don’t share all that much with the Branch + Beak crew (that’s you). In previous phases I have shared a small sampling of personal fragments, other phases, nothing at all. Right now, as we approach the end of a gregorian year, I’m going to attempt to just let you all know where I am at currently. If you simply do not want to bother with all my long winded waxing, just skip to the end for the discount code for the website store.

I got put in my mortal little place on December 14th, I was in a serious car accident with another car….with OTHER humans in it. Miraculously, none of the three of us were injured, though obviously shaken, and changed, well—i know I am changed. Our cars were both totaled. We watched as tow trucks efficiently cleared any indication of our collision, even the crumbs that splintered off of our cars and scattered, were promptly swept into trash bags. With air bags all deflated, personal items in chaos, air smelling of chemicals and rain, faces pale and wet with shock and confusion, we went our separate ways in different modes.

That slow motion time in these extreme experiences gives me truly eerie feelings in retrospect, where you are peering through the veil at death, powerless to the impact, to the outcome. It is a surreal and cinematic terror, which happens while you start to leave your body, in a kind of mental preparation for the unknown. It is some of the most darkly confusing and weightless time I have experienced. What do you do? you are at the mercy of the dice. how will they roll? fall? land? spin? how will you end up?

Well, after processing the shock, some minor meltdown, and chaos while still fighting off a cold, I spent the next week trying to take care of the dust that was now settling and returned to work a few days later. Soon after, the holiday approached and so even more stress, re-hashing of the events, holiday organization, I got sick, again. Immediately after celebrations with family. ….and that is where I am now. Hopefully on the tail end of some common but awful cold. On December 31st. I have been struggling today. I have typed and re-typed and lost progress and edited again.

Over on Instagram I’ve been dragging myself through the copious posts with reflective, insightful, beautifully concrete words about the past decade; let alone the past year, and the ever sensitive but prickly pear that lives inside me felt inspired at first, but then— increasing pressure and crushing obligation crept in, to somehow contribute to the echo chamber, to prove I am not only alive, but also that I am capable of conveying growth and character insight with some kind of other worldly grace.

Well here’s the kicking, screaming truth of that; I am a tsunami. not a feather. I have grace but it is wrapped up in nature. It is in my nature to be the mounting wall of passion. To be the storming waves, which in their own right, are graceful. At least that is what I like to tell myself. I’ve likely got fog on the brain due to this sickness, but while Bob Ross keeps me company as i blow my nose every 3 minutes, I’m trying to find ways to wrap up my year in some cute and tidy blog that is easily digested by the wide variety of folks I know keep up with Branch + Beak.

I know there is variety, because I spent a lot of time this year showing up in person at local and regional events alongside my offerings, meeting customers, veteran and brand new. Can I tell you how much it means to me? to meet you? for you to meet me? I used to be so nervous and shy about it, so timid about opening up and letting myself exist inside my magick, not even just beside it, but in it. To show up and be responsible for the magick I make and the environment it deserves to be presented in (for which, it appears I am so infamous at this point), to use my skills and knowledge to guide and be guided, to learn and teach and learn and help and learn some more. This has been my greatest accomplishment I think, because while Branch + Beak is still not quite where I would like it to be, I think mostly in regards to what I offer, and how it is presented. BUT- I am close, I feel it.

To have people come up to me in person, and express how much something I have made with my hands and heart has helped them, that has been a tool in their healing or forward movement, well that is the ULTIMATE blessing. That has occurred numerous times at several events over this past year, and every time is like a thread being pulled through a seam, another stitch pulling me together. A squeeze, a hug. Every time is like a nod from the universe, “yes, keep doing this, keep doing this, keep growing and learning, but keep doing this.” ….and so I try, and with more and more confidence each time.

Off and on and off and on I have admittedly not given Branch + Beak the attention it deserves, and it has suffered or become stagnant because of that. In the past I have felt troubled that I have not appropriately fed into it’s fire. I know it could be a real source of light and warmth if I just ignored temptations to compare and be defeated by a saturated market and paid more attention to the facts of B+B’s unique and long standing existence. As I have mentioned though, I am a passionate tsunami, so life and all the different interests I have sometimes climb into the front seat.

I’d like to elaborate more on certain threads, but this would be much longer than I think most folks would care to invest their time in. In this case I’ll just try to convey to those still reading that I’m here, busy, grateful to be here, loving and living as I know how, practicing making connections with new humans, learning, serving, and just making an effort to be the tsunami I am without apologizing every time I show up to the public eye.

Being this colorful animal, this jingly ghost that I am, who knows what noises I’ll make in the new year, but I’m determined for them to be loud, sparkly, and ever covered in a layer of dirt, as I make my little way in a weird world.

If you have hung around this long, please know that I intend to update the shop, and if there is ever anything you need or want and cannot locate it; message me. Just simply reach out!

I hope you all continue to sail on/fight through/ride tough/shimmy on/etc into 2020; you aren’t alone, and you ARE loved.

Thank you for all of your support and love this year, I can't properly express how much it means to me that so many of you have been ride or die's for a pretty long time.

I have made a discount code for 20% off that is applicable to purchases of $20.oo or more, please know that I have a real trouble asking for help but right now I sure could use it, and any purchase you make will now go toward me starting to save for a replacement vehicle of my beloved transportation.

The code is 20in2020 and is valid through January 11th (11:59pm) Use it, share it, make a soup with it, juice it, etc.

Again, thank all of you happening critters, I absolutely adore my customers for real.